Family

Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?

Here are safe jokes to enjoy with the family! We were going to tell you these a-maize-ing jokes, but be warned, they are corny. 

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

Mum said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.

Mum texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.

A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store.

We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

It’s raining cats and dogs, so be careful not to step in a poodle.

At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.

My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.

I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.

Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.

The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!

Mum says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.

 

Source: Good House Keeping & Red Tricycle